74
The Masks That Block the Love
We Crave
It’s funny that we put on masks to
gain approval, but those very masks
block the intimacy we long for.
When we hide parts of ourselves,
we might earn admiration, but we
miss out on being seen.
Vulnerability - messy, risky, real
vulnerability - is what makes true
connection possible.
And when we finally stop trying
to be impressive and start being
honest, something opens up. We
find freedom - not in having it all
together, but in no longer needing
to.
As researcher Brené Brown said,
“True belonging doesn’t require you
to change who you are; it requires
you to BE who you are.”
When we focus too much on being
liked by others, we lose the ability
to belong to ourselves.
You Can’t Receive Love Beyond
What You Believe You Deserve
There’s something else I’ve come to
believe: We will never let someone
love us more than we love ourselves.
It’s like trying to fill a bucket that
has holes halfway up. Those holes?
They’re formed by all the ways we’ve
decided we’re not enough. And no
matter how much love someone
pours in, it only fills to the level of
our own self-worth.
The work of transformation is
learning to seal those holes; to
believe you’re worthy of love,
not because of what you do, but
because of who you are.
That’s when love, belonging, and
connection can begin to overflow.
Transformation Isn’t a Checklist.
It’s a Homecoming.
It’s not a five-step checklist or a
linear path. It’s more like peeling
an onion - layer after layer, year
after year.
Some fall away easily. Others
hold on with surprising strength.
But every time we choose truth
over performance, freedom over
approval, we carve closer to who
we really are.
Transformation doesn’t begin with
effort. It begins with compassionately
turning toward yourself and really
seeing your own heart.
I’ve seen this truth play out in
my own life. There was a season
in my life when I, like so many,
was living under the weight of
inauthenticity. I didn’t even know I
was doing it - performing, pleasing,
keeping everyone comfortable at
the expense of my own soul.
As I began creating space to listen
inward instead of reaching outward
for validation, things began to shift.
No longer did I need to hold up a
mask or manage perception. I’ve
started giving myself permission to
disappoint people, to let them think
what they want - and in doing so, I’ve
started belonging to myself.
It can be scary. And it’s holy.
I’m discovering that real love - the
kind that sees us, stays, and doesn’t
flinch - isn’t something we earn. It’s
something we allow.
We can only allow it to the degree
that we believe we’re worthy of it.
This is the invitation of transformation:
to stop trying to create yourself - and
start coming home to who you
already are.
That return is rarely linear or neat. It’s
a wild, beautiful, aching unraveling.
It’s the shedding of shoulds.
It’s learning to sit with the mess and
still say, “I’m worthy here.”
We think our masks will make us
lovable, but they actually keep us
from the thing we long for most -
connection.
Because true connection can only
happen when we are willing to be seen.
Fully. Tenderly. Honestly.
An Invitation Home
So, if you’re in the middle of your
becoming - if life feels awkward,
uncertain, or undone - I want to
remind you:
You’re not behind.
You’re not broken.
You’re perfectly in-process.
Every unraveling is holy.